Hello! I posted a new video on Youtube: First Impressions- Conair Spiral Curlers ! Check it out!
I used my iPhone 5 to film so the quality isn't the best but I did edit it. This was my first time filming/editing a video! It was pretty fun. I'm excited to make more.
<3 Poison
Friday, February 21, 2014
Tuesday, February 18, 2014
Oh! I Almost Forgot!
Hey! So I forgot I wanted to share this awesome Youtube show called My Gimpy Life. Season 2 just debuted the other day and I thought it was great. It's short and sweet but totally worth taking a look at. Here's the episode I watched- Day Jobs.
Check it out! It's from the perspective of a woman trying to make it as an actress while being in a wheelchair. Oh, and it's okay to laugh. It's funny. :P
<3 Poison
What's goin on people!?
Hey internet people!
I made part of a tag video for Youtube and uploaded it with the Youtube Capture app on my iPhone. But now when I go to look at it, it says there's only 53 seconds of video when it's really 16 minutes. Argh technology!
Anyway. So it's been a few days since I last blogged and I wanted to just check in and talk about what's been going on in my oh so wonderfully interesting life!
I've been having A LOT of trouble with voc. rehab ever since I moved up here and I'm in the process of working with a few different agencies/people to help me with my situation. However, I can't get ahold of my local assemblyman which is totally frustrating because the receptionist who I talk to when I call says she's going to look at his schedule and never does so yeah. That's frustrating. And now I'm hooked up with this advocate from the CAP program at the CDR in Rochester and they've been really good at getting back to me sooner than they said they would and giving me information that my voc rehab counselor just like neglected to give me. But I have to wait to get a waiver form in the mail so they can talk to my counselor and blah blah blah blah blah and it hasn't come yet so I'm like pacing my house waiting for this form to come (not really).
Oh and I emailed my counselor sometime last week asking for an update and he literally emailed me back today saying that as of 1/17/14 there's been no progress. As in, he hasn't made an inquiry in a month. Like, seriously? I don't know if any of you know what voc. rehab is, but it's a program that helps people with physical, cognitive, and emotional disabilities get employment and job training and basically anything that they need to be able to get and hold a job. In my case, the PA branch helped me with school/tuition and driving training and now I'm working on getting hand controls for my car in NY. I've been working with them since June (for the past 8 months) and recently hit a road block with the agency because their contracts with the vendors ran out and blah blah blah. Yeah. That's the last I heard from my counselor. Now onto the advocate. She told me that there has been some headway with the contracts and that basically there are all of these other services that I could be using right now that my counselor never told me about. He also basically misled me to think that I can only get help with one thing at a time which isn't true either, so they could be helping me with job searches and stuff like that while I wait for my hand controls. Needless to say, I was not happy at all with him when I found this out. Thank God for the advocate program because otherwise I'd seriously be screwed.
Anyway, the reasons I went into all of that is because I really felt like there was on progress being made and I was being ignored by voc rehab so I decided to think outside the box and reach out to other resources that may be able to help. Now, as you will probably learn, I seriously love Ellen DeGeneres. I watch her show every day and she is not only hilarious but she's such a kind person and always helps people with their problems. So I decided to write the show a letter on their site explaining my situation and asking for any kind of advice or help they may be able to give. I know people who write in usually write about other people and not themselves but I figured what the hay, I need to start advocating for myself more and getting comfortable with sharing my thoughts and story because I really want to be an advocate when I get my life straightened out. I literally almost just said when I grow up but I am grown up, seeing as I'm 23 and have a college degree. Ah scary freak out time. This is my scared spazzed out face.
I made part of a tag video for Youtube and uploaded it with the Youtube Capture app on my iPhone. But now when I go to look at it, it says there's only 53 seconds of video when it's really 16 minutes. Argh technology!
Anyway. So it's been a few days since I last blogged and I wanted to just check in and talk about what's been going on in my oh so wonderfully interesting life!
I've been having A LOT of trouble with voc. rehab ever since I moved up here and I'm in the process of working with a few different agencies/people to help me with my situation. However, I can't get ahold of my local assemblyman which is totally frustrating because the receptionist who I talk to when I call says she's going to look at his schedule and never does so yeah. That's frustrating. And now I'm hooked up with this advocate from the CAP program at the CDR in Rochester and they've been really good at getting back to me sooner than they said they would and giving me information that my voc rehab counselor just like neglected to give me. But I have to wait to get a waiver form in the mail so they can talk to my counselor and blah blah blah blah blah and it hasn't come yet so I'm like pacing my house waiting for this form to come (not really).
Oh and I emailed my counselor sometime last week asking for an update and he literally emailed me back today saying that as of 1/17/14 there's been no progress. As in, he hasn't made an inquiry in a month. Like, seriously? I don't know if any of you know what voc. rehab is, but it's a program that helps people with physical, cognitive, and emotional disabilities get employment and job training and basically anything that they need to be able to get and hold a job. In my case, the PA branch helped me with school/tuition and driving training and now I'm working on getting hand controls for my car in NY. I've been working with them since June (for the past 8 months) and recently hit a road block with the agency because their contracts with the vendors ran out and blah blah blah. Yeah. That's the last I heard from my counselor. Now onto the advocate. She told me that there has been some headway with the contracts and that basically there are all of these other services that I could be using right now that my counselor never told me about. He also basically misled me to think that I can only get help with one thing at a time which isn't true either, so they could be helping me with job searches and stuff like that while I wait for my hand controls. Needless to say, I was not happy at all with him when I found this out. Thank God for the advocate program because otherwise I'd seriously be screwed.
Anyway, the reasons I went into all of that is because I really felt like there was on progress being made and I was being ignored by voc rehab so I decided to think outside the box and reach out to other resources that may be able to help. Now, as you will probably learn, I seriously love Ellen DeGeneres. I watch her show every day and she is not only hilarious but she's such a kind person and always helps people with their problems. So I decided to write the show a letter on their site explaining my situation and asking for any kind of advice or help they may be able to give. I know people who write in usually write about other people and not themselves but I figured what the hay, I need to start advocating for myself more and getting comfortable with sharing my thoughts and story because I really want to be an advocate when I get my life straightened out. I literally almost just said when I grow up but I am grown up, seeing as I'm 23 and have a college degree. Ah scary freak out time. This is my scared spazzed out face.
Please excuse the weird lighting that is my hair part. I actually have hair on that part of my head and it's not a random bald spot.
Anywho, back to my story. I don't know if I'll hear anything, but even still, I'm glad I mustered up the courage to actually write to the show. Hopefully it works out!
That brings me to my next story of my life. Saturday morning (I sent the email Friday night) my dad woke me up saying he needed to talk to me, which like never happens. So of course my immediate thought was "OMG ELLEN CALLED!" bahahahahahaha. Completely absurd, right? Turns out it wasn't that, but my mom dad telling me that my mom was in the emergency room and had driven herself there at 8:00 that morning while my dad was at work and I was sleeping. SN- I would've driven her had I actually been able to. I'm not that heartless.
She said she woke up and was having weird chest pains so she drove herself to the ER. Everything ended up being fine though with her heart but they kept her for 6 hours because 2 of her blood tests levels were elevated. The one that has to do with her heart went down but the other one apparently indicates that she has pancreatitis. So now, after her follow-up appointment this morning, she has to go back to her doctor in a month to check it again I guess, which is pushing her foot surgery off even longer. It's just like one thing after another with this family. I don't even know. Is anyone else's family like this? Do any of you have like years where things just seem to keep happening? IDK. Let me know.
But yeah that whole situation just didn't really sink in at all I guess because it was just so weird. I think part of it was that I had a really bad anxiety attack on Wednesday because of my bank account and yeah and things were just breaking and I didn't know how I was going to pay to fix them and it was just stressful. I was totally spazzed out about it for the next like 2 days and after I had finally calmed down, a day later this stuff with my mom happened and I couldn't really spaz out. I don't know how to explain it other than I think all my energy went into those 2 days of feeling like hell that I was just numb for the next few days. I guess it's a good thing because I wasn't freaking out and putting myself through hell, but still, I feel kinda heartless that I wasn't more worried.
On a brighter note, only 35 days, 19 hours, and 24 minutes until the Demi Lovato concert!!! I'm so pumped I can't even tell you. I watched one video on Youtube of her singing Skyscraper in Vancouver but I don't want to watch anymore because I don't want to spoil it! But it looks BOMB from that one clip. Gah. I'm so excited. Yay. I'm starting to plan my outfits and hair and just yeah I'm super pumped.
I'll probably check back in tomorrow to say hi.
Peace out girl scout,
Poison <3
Friday, February 14, 2014
Happy Vday!
Happy Valentine's Day people!
I don't know about you, but I'm one of those people who enjoys Vday even if I don't have a significant other. Today's traditionally about romantic love, but there are all sorts of other kinds of love in the world, like friends and family. Today I spent some time with my Pop Pop who is currently in a rehab facility after breaking his hip about a month ago. I asked him to be my Valentine last week and his face literally lit up. It was so freaking adorable. So today when we went to visit him, I brought a valentine that I made for him. He is such an incredible man and it's hard seeing him so weak but I'm grateful that he's making good strides in his recovery. The other people in the rehab are also really adorable. I'm starting to make friends with some of the men who are always in the dining room when we go in there. As I was saying goodbye to my Pop Pop and kissed him on the cheek, like three men started asking where their kisses were. It was kinda weird but sweet at the same time. A woman challenged me to wheelchair races the next time I come in. She called me by my name which was weird until I realized I was wearing the sweatshirt that has my name on the back. =P
I hope everyone's Valentine's Day was great and you got to spend time with your loved ones!
Here's my Pop Pop! =]
I don't know about you, but I'm one of those people who enjoys Vday even if I don't have a significant other. Today's traditionally about romantic love, but there are all sorts of other kinds of love in the world, like friends and family. Today I spent some time with my Pop Pop who is currently in a rehab facility after breaking his hip about a month ago. I asked him to be my Valentine last week and his face literally lit up. It was so freaking adorable. So today when we went to visit him, I brought a valentine that I made for him. He is such an incredible man and it's hard seeing him so weak but I'm grateful that he's making good strides in his recovery. The other people in the rehab are also really adorable. I'm starting to make friends with some of the men who are always in the dining room when we go in there. As I was saying goodbye to my Pop Pop and kissed him on the cheek, like three men started asking where their kisses were. It was kinda weird but sweet at the same time. A woman challenged me to wheelchair races the next time I come in. She called me by my name which was weird until I realized I was wearing the sweatshirt that has my name on the back. =P
I hope everyone's Valentine's Day was great and you got to spend time with your loved ones!
Here's my Pop Pop! =]
Wednesday, February 12, 2014
PUPPY!
Have you ever had one of those days where you just want to scream and/or curl up into a little ball in the corner because nothing seems to be going well? You're not alone. I had a really good conversation with a new friend today. My dad actually had to come inside because I was talking so much, which like almost never happens for me. All of that was well and good and I was in a really good mood after I got home because I had felt some improvements with my anxiety and felt like I was getting some headway on the issue. Then I took a nap and woke up to find out that my bank account was in the negative. Let me tell you, that was no a fun thing to wake up to. So now I'm like totally freaking out about Toronto, and have a bunch more phone calls added to the list of things I need to do. Blah. Cue anxiety and panic attacks. And now my stupid phone charger isn't working right because I pulled it out the wall one too many times, and this is the back up charger. I know it's my fault, but still, sheesh. Sometimes I really hate being on Social Security. How do they seriously expect people to live decent lives on such little income? I am thankful every day that I was able to move in with my parents and save myself tons of money because there's no way I could afford rent or food or utilities or anything else that's necessary to function. Blah. Excuse my ranting, I'm just frustrated!
Anywho, I've been watching and thinking about "The Secret" a lot, and I've been trying to keep a positive attitude about life and things that stress me out. So, with that in mind, I printed out phrases like "I'm driving to Toronto!" and "I have hand controls!", cut them out with pretty scissors, and plastered them on some pretty construction paper in hopes that I can somehow will myself to fulfill these wishes. Positivity attracts positivity right? Right. Now it's just getting rid of the negativity that is a struggle when things don't seem to be going well that really gets me. Blah. I really hope this isn't coming off as whining because I'm not trying to get pity. I'm just venting and hopefully someone out there can relate and know they're not alone.
On a more positive note- my dog is sitting underneath my chair at this very moment. He is seriously the sweetest thing (most of the time). I love when he comes up and lays down right up against me or puts his paw on my leg as in saying"Don't move human, I want to be close to you." *melts*. When nothing else seems like it's going well, at least I have my dog. And music. Music and my cuddly dog always help me to feel better. Speaking of my dog, I think I'll share some pictures of him. He's just oh so adorable!
Anywho, I've been watching and thinking about "The Secret" a lot, and I've been trying to keep a positive attitude about life and things that stress me out. So, with that in mind, I printed out phrases like "I'm driving to Toronto!" and "I have hand controls!", cut them out with pretty scissors, and plastered them on some pretty construction paper in hopes that I can somehow will myself to fulfill these wishes. Positivity attracts positivity right? Right. Now it's just getting rid of the negativity that is a struggle when things don't seem to be going well that really gets me. Blah. I really hope this isn't coming off as whining because I'm not trying to get pity. I'm just venting and hopefully someone out there can relate and know they're not alone.
On a more positive note- my dog is sitting underneath my chair at this very moment. He is seriously the sweetest thing (most of the time). I love when he comes up and lays down right up against me or puts his paw on my leg as in saying"Don't move human, I want to be close to you." *melts*. When nothing else seems like it's going well, at least I have my dog. And music. Music and my cuddly dog always help me to feel better. Speaking of my dog, I think I'll share some pictures of him. He's just oh so adorable!
I'm pretty sure he's a monkey at heart.
"What do you mean this is your bed? Why should I move?"
Showin' my momma some love.
o_0 I did not let him up on the table...
He just loves the snow. A lot.
Feel free to leave a comment so I can tell that somebody's reading this! =] Dueces!
<3 Poison
Monday, February 10, 2014
Nail Polish Fav
Ay bay bay!
Sorry for the ridiculously old annoying rap song reference. Deal with it!
SN (do people even use that anymore?!)- I need to figure out how to put emojis on this thang because I feel like half of my sarcasm gets lost without them. Ah the joys of the technology generation. Womp womp.
Anyway, I wanted to take a little time to chat about something that I can't remember at the current moment. Yay brain farts!
Until I can remember what I was going to talk about I'll talk about this awesome nail polish that I got the other day from Walmart. I went to Walmart for a few things, and as usual ended up buying a butt-load of crap that I really do not need but think I do because it's there and I could buy it and it was just soooooo pretty (I had to add a lot more oooo's than I wanted because that awesome thing called autocorrect kept trying to change it to zoo. Stupid autocorrect.)
I got this nail polish by Revlon and it's sheer and the color's Sheer Pink… And let me tell you, it's possibly my favorite nail polish I've ever gotten in my entire life. Seriously. Not exaggerating here people. It's very simple but looks like I got a manicure from a pretty French boutique in like Bath or something (ya like the reference so I can seem like I've actually been there and am cultured like that? I thought it was clever. Feel free to laugh, or don't. Whichever's fine with me.) But yeah. I've just been staring at my nails admiring their prettyness and thought I'd share that with you all in case you were looking for a cute shade. The only thing I don't like is that I had to put a few coats on it to make it even because it seemed to glob kind of. Does that ever happen to anyone? ….. Bueller? Bueller? IS ANYBODY EVEN READING THIS?!!? No? Okay, let me just go in my own little corner and pretend like I have friends.
I'm in a really weirdly hyper mood today. (runs around the room screaming like a maniac) Don't judge.
Sorry for the ridiculously old annoying rap song reference. Deal with it!
SN (do people even use that anymore?!)- I need to figure out how to put emojis on this thang because I feel like half of my sarcasm gets lost without them. Ah the joys of the technology generation. Womp womp.
Anyway, I wanted to take a little time to chat about something that I can't remember at the current moment. Yay brain farts!
Until I can remember what I was going to talk about I'll talk about this awesome nail polish that I got the other day from Walmart. I went to Walmart for a few things, and as usual ended up buying a butt-load of crap that I really do not need but think I do because it's there and I could buy it and it was just soooooo pretty (I had to add a lot more oooo's than I wanted because that awesome thing called autocorrect kept trying to change it to zoo. Stupid autocorrect.)
I got this nail polish by Revlon and it's sheer and the color's Sheer Pink… And let me tell you, it's possibly my favorite nail polish I've ever gotten in my entire life. Seriously. Not exaggerating here people. It's very simple but looks like I got a manicure from a pretty French boutique in like Bath or something (ya like the reference so I can seem like I've actually been there and am cultured like that? I thought it was clever. Feel free to laugh, or don't. Whichever's fine with me.) But yeah. I've just been staring at my nails admiring their prettyness and thought I'd share that with you all in case you were looking for a cute shade. The only thing I don't like is that I had to put a few coats on it to make it even because it seemed to glob kind of. Does that ever happen to anyone? ….. Bueller? Bueller? IS ANYBODY EVEN READING THIS?!!? No? Okay, let me just go in my own little corner and pretend like I have friends.
I'm in a really weirdly hyper mood today. (runs around the room screaming like a maniac) Don't judge.
Sunday, February 9, 2014
The Secret
I've been watching a documentary called "The Secret" which is about the secret of life. I can honestly say that it is mind-blowing because everything makes perfect sense and I can see evidence in my own life that backs it up. If you haven't already, get it from your library and give it a watch! I promise it will change your life.
"All we are is a result of what we have thought." - Buddha
This documentary is all about the law of attraction. We bring into our lives what we think and feel, whether it be positive or negative. It is truly amazing how insightful and real this "secret" is.
"All we are is a result of what we have thought." - Buddha
This documentary is all about the law of attraction. We bring into our lives what we think and feel, whether it be positive or negative. It is truly amazing how insightful and real this "secret" is.
Not Your Typical Beauty Talk
Waddup people of the internets!
So I've been thinking about topics to blog/vlog about which has led me to watch other people's videos for inspiration. Let me just say that I love the people who are not afraid to be their weird selves. I find them hilarious and real and inspiring. However, one thing has become very apparent to me when I started paying closer attention to media in the past few months. I'm so happy that there are more and more people preaching about self acceptance, but it bothers me that the people who are preaching self acceptance and positive body image are all REALLY FREAKING SKINNY AND BEAUTIFUL. Like, what? I get that there is an enormous pressure to be a size 0 (don't even get me started on the existence of a size freaking 0… what? Are these people supposed to be air?), what about the people who are not a size 0, or even a size 10? Or who don't like to wear make up every day? What about them? Are they supposed to try to fit into the published views of beauty because that's all they see?!
I understand that some people are naturally smaller, but I also know that some people are naturally bigger. There is no shame in this fact. I've seen a lot of media telling people that it's okay to be a certain size, but these things also seem to be shaming the people who are not like them. For instance, people seem to vilify naturally skinny people when they are promoting healthy lifestyles, and the same goes for naturally bigger people. It shouldn't matter what size you are, because no matter what, people are beautiful, no matter their size. They should not be made to feel bad because they are one size and not another, whether it be bigger or smaller. I don't believe in body shaming of any kind, and I don't believe that making one group feel worse to make yourself feel better is really getting us anywhere. I don't believe that calling skinny people smart because they eat a salad is right in the same way that I don't believe that calling a bigger person eating a cheeseburger fatty is okay. I hate seeing images of a larger person eating a salad being called "dieting", and I hate seeing a smaller person eating chicken nuggets as being "unhealthy". Okay, maybe that's not a good example because chicken nuggets aren't the most healthy thing in the world, but I hope my point is getting across. The point is, they're human beings and human beings can enjoy a salad or something chicken nuggets every once in a while.
One of my favorite JLaw moments was when she told a red carpet reporter that she was getting McDonalds at that very moment. Like, hello! That's okay! It's natural, she's human, and there's nothing wrong with that. That doesn't mean she eats it on a regular basis (fyi- I have no idea what she eats on a regular basis, I'm not that much of a creep 0_o) the same way I don't eat a salad on a regular basis based of the simple fact that I'm not a size 2.
Now, as I said, I'm working on getting a Youtube channel going and as I look around other Youtube channels, I've started getting disheartened for several reasons, mainly being that "I don't look like these people who are preaching natural weirdness" because, let's face it, I don't look like a beauty queen. I believe that I am an attractive person, but I still find myself comparing my appearance or personality to others. As I was filming and watching a video last night, I had a recurring thought in my head, that even though I enjoyed doing it, and even though I had some good things to say, that I could not help but notice that I looked exceptionally large in this video and that somehow detracted from the content. That was not the point of the video. The video is my first attempt at curling my hair with heatless curlers. Somehow it turned into me not wanting to post it because I looked too big.
This has been a very big reason as to why I have not ventured into things like this before. I am constantly getting nonverbal messages that the powerful and popular and game changing people are all gorgeous all of the time or they are really really skinny and valued more than the people who just happen to be bigger or don't feel like wearing cute clothes all the time (not that there's anything wrong with this, do whatever floats your boat!). This bothers the shit out of me because if it's influencing me so negatively, then it's more than likely affecting other people in the same way. How many people out there have the same dreams as me but are inadvertently told that they would not be accepted because they don't "look the part"?
That DOES NOT mean that I am not beautiful, which I try to remind myself on a regular basis. Even still, the thoughts of not looking like people on the internet still makes a lasting impression. This is absolutely ridiculous. There is this idea that people on the internet, on tv, in movies, or in magazines always look GORGEOUS, even when they're "messy". Is it just me or do other people notice this?!? Now I get that beauty and sex sells, but I'm not talking about commercials promoting certain products. I'm talking about people being people.
All of this makes me think of body shaming. I recently came across an article titled "Jennifer Lawrence Body-Shames You More Than You Might Realize". I LOVE LOVE LOVE me some JLaw, but this article did have some interesting points. While I believe that her comments have to be taken in context, I totally agree with the point that if somebody who is not extremely fit (as is Ms. Lawrence) were to make these same comments, they would be chastised and shunned and the gossip sites would explode with terrible comments. One of my favorite JLaw quotes is the one where she says people can go @*#% themselves if they tell her to diet, and she's right. She's fit and healthy and there is absolutely no reason she needs to diet.
On the other hand, I believe that if Melissa McCarthy were to make the same comments, she'd be one of those people who is chastised and shunned and made fun of on gossip sites, and this is completely wrong. I don't remember where I read this, and correct me if I'm wrong, but I read/heard somewhere that Melissa said that she does eat healthily and remains her weight without eating unhealthy foods but also not starving herself. And guess what? SHE'S STILL BEAUTIFUL, not to mention HI-LARIOUS. It doesn't matter what her weight is, she's beautiful because she not only has natural beauty, but she's confident and hasn't let anything get in her way, the same way that JLaw has. Take these two completely different people on the outside and strip them down to their messages and their successes, and you'll get the same thing: women who are strong, independent, confident, go-getters who just happen to be packaged differently. That shouldn't take away from their contributions to the world, but unfortunately this society has taken away from so many other people's talents and world contributions because of their outside packaging.
This brings me back to myself. I've always been an athlete, but I've also always struggled with body image. I've been told on more than one occasion that I am not good enough to progress in the sport that I love because I'm not fit enough and can't keep up with other people. Granted, I understand that weight has a lot to do with speed, but it's not everything. I'm not saying that I probably couldn't have stood to lose a few pounds, but I certainly was not unhealthy or "fat", even though I thought I was. I've let these few negative comments dominate my world and self image so much that it depreciates from my actual skills. I'm tired of this. I'm tired of letting a few people's opinions mold who I am and who I'm not. Even as I'm typing this, I can feel my momentum slowing because I don't want to talk about it and can feel the affect that these comments have had on me even now, years later.
So now to the real juice of this post. I, Sarah P, will not, under any circumstances, continue to let other people's opinions (perceived or real) slow me down or prevent me from achieving or even attempting to do what I want to. I am a smart, intelligent, down-to-earth, beautiful, forward thinking, college-educated, funny, insightful, creative woman who is full of potential and I will not let that potential be silenced by people whose sole purpose is to bring others down. And I encourage anybody else out there to do the same, no I beg everyone to do the same. I look forward to meeting some of you in the future wherever it may be!
Peace out,
Poison <3
So I've been thinking about topics to blog/vlog about which has led me to watch other people's videos for inspiration. Let me just say that I love the people who are not afraid to be their weird selves. I find them hilarious and real and inspiring. However, one thing has become very apparent to me when I started paying closer attention to media in the past few months. I'm so happy that there are more and more people preaching about self acceptance, but it bothers me that the people who are preaching self acceptance and positive body image are all REALLY FREAKING SKINNY AND BEAUTIFUL. Like, what? I get that there is an enormous pressure to be a size 0 (don't even get me started on the existence of a size freaking 0… what? Are these people supposed to be air?), what about the people who are not a size 0, or even a size 10? Or who don't like to wear make up every day? What about them? Are they supposed to try to fit into the published views of beauty because that's all they see?!
I understand that some people are naturally smaller, but I also know that some people are naturally bigger. There is no shame in this fact. I've seen a lot of media telling people that it's okay to be a certain size, but these things also seem to be shaming the people who are not like them. For instance, people seem to vilify naturally skinny people when they are promoting healthy lifestyles, and the same goes for naturally bigger people. It shouldn't matter what size you are, because no matter what, people are beautiful, no matter their size. They should not be made to feel bad because they are one size and not another, whether it be bigger or smaller. I don't believe in body shaming of any kind, and I don't believe that making one group feel worse to make yourself feel better is really getting us anywhere. I don't believe that calling skinny people smart because they eat a salad is right in the same way that I don't believe that calling a bigger person eating a cheeseburger fatty is okay. I hate seeing images of a larger person eating a salad being called "dieting", and I hate seeing a smaller person eating chicken nuggets as being "unhealthy". Okay, maybe that's not a good example because chicken nuggets aren't the most healthy thing in the world, but I hope my point is getting across. The point is, they're human beings and human beings can enjoy a salad or something chicken nuggets every once in a while.
One of my favorite JLaw moments was when she told a red carpet reporter that she was getting McDonalds at that very moment. Like, hello! That's okay! It's natural, she's human, and there's nothing wrong with that. That doesn't mean she eats it on a regular basis (fyi- I have no idea what she eats on a regular basis, I'm not that much of a creep 0_o) the same way I don't eat a salad on a regular basis based of the simple fact that I'm not a size 2.
Now, as I said, I'm working on getting a Youtube channel going and as I look around other Youtube channels, I've started getting disheartened for several reasons, mainly being that "I don't look like these people who are preaching natural weirdness" because, let's face it, I don't look like a beauty queen. I believe that I am an attractive person, but I still find myself comparing my appearance or personality to others. As I was filming and watching a video last night, I had a recurring thought in my head, that even though I enjoyed doing it, and even though I had some good things to say, that I could not help but notice that I looked exceptionally large in this video and that somehow detracted from the content. That was not the point of the video. The video is my first attempt at curling my hair with heatless curlers. Somehow it turned into me not wanting to post it because I looked too big.
This has been a very big reason as to why I have not ventured into things like this before. I am constantly getting nonverbal messages that the powerful and popular and game changing people are all gorgeous all of the time or they are really really skinny and valued more than the people who just happen to be bigger or don't feel like wearing cute clothes all the time (not that there's anything wrong with this, do whatever floats your boat!). This bothers the shit out of me because if it's influencing me so negatively, then it's more than likely affecting other people in the same way. How many people out there have the same dreams as me but are inadvertently told that they would not be accepted because they don't "look the part"?
That DOES NOT mean that I am not beautiful, which I try to remind myself on a regular basis. Even still, the thoughts of not looking like people on the internet still makes a lasting impression. This is absolutely ridiculous. There is this idea that people on the internet, on tv, in movies, or in magazines always look GORGEOUS, even when they're "messy". Is it just me or do other people notice this?!? Now I get that beauty and sex sells, but I'm not talking about commercials promoting certain products. I'm talking about people being people.
All of this makes me think of body shaming. I recently came across an article titled "Jennifer Lawrence Body-Shames You More Than You Might Realize". I LOVE LOVE LOVE me some JLaw, but this article did have some interesting points. While I believe that her comments have to be taken in context, I totally agree with the point that if somebody who is not extremely fit (as is Ms. Lawrence) were to make these same comments, they would be chastised and shunned and the gossip sites would explode with terrible comments. One of my favorite JLaw quotes is the one where she says people can go @*#% themselves if they tell her to diet, and she's right. She's fit and healthy and there is absolutely no reason she needs to diet.
On the other hand, I believe that if Melissa McCarthy were to make the same comments, she'd be one of those people who is chastised and shunned and made fun of on gossip sites, and this is completely wrong. I don't remember where I read this, and correct me if I'm wrong, but I read/heard somewhere that Melissa said that she does eat healthily and remains her weight without eating unhealthy foods but also not starving herself. And guess what? SHE'S STILL BEAUTIFUL, not to mention HI-LARIOUS. It doesn't matter what her weight is, she's beautiful because she not only has natural beauty, but she's confident and hasn't let anything get in her way, the same way that JLaw has. Take these two completely different people on the outside and strip them down to their messages and their successes, and you'll get the same thing: women who are strong, independent, confident, go-getters who just happen to be packaged differently. That shouldn't take away from their contributions to the world, but unfortunately this society has taken away from so many other people's talents and world contributions because of their outside packaging.
This brings me back to myself. I've always been an athlete, but I've also always struggled with body image. I've been told on more than one occasion that I am not good enough to progress in the sport that I love because I'm not fit enough and can't keep up with other people. Granted, I understand that weight has a lot to do with speed, but it's not everything. I'm not saying that I probably couldn't have stood to lose a few pounds, but I certainly was not unhealthy or "fat", even though I thought I was. I've let these few negative comments dominate my world and self image so much that it depreciates from my actual skills. I'm tired of this. I'm tired of letting a few people's opinions mold who I am and who I'm not. Even as I'm typing this, I can feel my momentum slowing because I don't want to talk about it and can feel the affect that these comments have had on me even now, years later.
So now to the real juice of this post. I, Sarah P, will not, under any circumstances, continue to let other people's opinions (perceived or real) slow me down or prevent me from achieving or even attempting to do what I want to. I am a smart, intelligent, down-to-earth, beautiful, forward thinking, college-educated, funny, insightful, creative woman who is full of potential and I will not let that potential be silenced by people whose sole purpose is to bring others down. And I encourage anybody else out there to do the same, no I beg everyone to do the same. I look forward to meeting some of you in the future wherever it may be!
Peace out,
Poison <3
Saturday, February 8, 2014
Hey internet people! I posted my first Youtube video! Check it out here <-
Hope you enjoy my weirdo puppy dog.
Hope you enjoy my weirdo puppy dog.
Friday, February 7, 2014
Another funny list.. Thanks Buzzfeed!
26 Problems Only Anxious People Will Understand
I've literally been feeling like #22 for the past few months, especially ever since I realized I'm the same age as Taylor Swift and Jennifer Lawrence and that Demi Lovato is 2 years younger than me. I've literally been sitting around thinking "WHAT IS MY LIFE?!?!" Then I have to remind myself that they are not typical stories and that I have accomplished lots of things in my life and that this setback is only temporary. High five to myself! Awkward. Gah. Ok weirdness over… for now.
I've literally been feeling like #22 for the past few months, especially ever since I realized I'm the same age as Taylor Swift and Jennifer Lawrence and that Demi Lovato is 2 years younger than me. I've literally been sitting around thinking "WHAT IS MY LIFE?!?!" Then I have to remind myself that they are not typical stories and that I have accomplished lots of things in my life and that this setback is only temporary. High five to myself! Awkward. Gah. Ok weirdness over… for now.
That boring introduction blog that almost no one reads
Hey guys! So this is (obviously) my first blog, so I'm just going to introduce myself for a little bit.
Okay, here it goes. I'm a recent college graduate living in upstate New York outside of Rochester in a small town called Newark. I'm currently unemployed and am not in school, so I have a lot of free time (more than I know what to do with) on my hands. I've really been struggling with anxiety and related issues the past few years, but it has gotten really bad in the past few months with not having much to do in a small town. I started filming Vlogs to try and get some of my frustration and feelings out and talk about some of the issues that have been going on in my life, but I'm not a videographer AT ALL so I'm still trying to figure out the lighting and editing and all that jazz, which is why I decided to start this blog. I won't be talking solely about anxiety, but I will blog about it from time to time and share how it has effected my life as well as coping strategies that I've been able to use that help me. Hopefully, if you're reading this and have similar issues, what I share will help you.
I should probably give fair warning that I intend to be very honest in this blog, which includes sharing personal stories at times. I don't believe in sugar coating anything, but I won't make it too ridiculous. This blog is basically here for me to get my thoughts out and try to share them with whoever will listen. Feel free to comment on anything. I'd love to hear some feedback on what I'm saying and I'd like to think that I'm not just blogging into space. However, if that's what happens so be it (insert awkward laughter)!
Which reminds me, I frequently am on social media (namely Facebook, Instagram, and Youtube, with the occasional Twitter appearances). Today I came upon one of those Buzzfeed lists that was titled "23 Signs You're an Awkward Person". Let me just say that I found it HILARIOUS. I can honestly say that I identified with almost all of the items, which made it even funnier. I showed it to my mom and she laughed pretty hard as well. Yay for awkward/not "normal" people! I'll post a link to the site at the bottom of this post so you can read it (and hopefully laugh) too!
Anyway, I guess this is the point where I should start telling you something more about myself. Ok, here it goes, bare (bear?) with me. My name is Sarah, I'm 23 (should I be putting that on the internet?!), I live in upstate New York (in case you missed the first paragraph), and I graduated from college in May 2013. I studied social work at Edinboro University, which is a small PA state school south of Erie. I minored in psychology and almost got a minor in Spanish, but time kind of ran out and I was short one class. Opps! 0.0 Oh well. I've taken Spanish since 7th grade so I'd like to think I'm pretty good at it, although I seem to not know the answer when my dad asks me how to say something or what somebody is saying than actually knowing what I'm talking about. I hope that made sense.
I'm originally from southeast PA, about 35 miles west of Philly. I'm an only child, which I'm pretty sure had a lot to do with my shyness. It was great growing up because I didn't have to compete with anybody for attention but it would be kinda nice to have someone else to talk to besides my parents. (insert sad, small violin music here). I moved back in with my parents after graduation and honestly did not think I would be here for more than year, but it's looking like it'll be longer than that. I'll get to that a little later. I have always been a very active person, what with school and sports, so I like to keep busy. I have played basketball since I was 11, and played in college.
I should probably take this time to mention that I was born with Spina Bifida, which means that I have trouble using my legs. I can walk with crutches, but I prefer to use a wheelchair because, well, it's easier to get around, and walking long distances gets to be really painful and tiring. You might be a little shocked reading this information, but please, don't let it chase you away from this site. I've been asked many times whether I would walk given the chance, and I honestly would have to say no. I was born with my disability, so I don't really consider myself to be "missing out" on anything. If nothing else, my Spina Bifida has led me to places I never thought I would be. For instance (and this is not intended to be bragging, so don't take it as such) I was extremely fortunate to go to Australia at the age of 17 to be a part of the Women's USA Under 19 Wheelchair Basketball Team. That was one of the most incredible events of my life. I'm so grateful that I was so lucky to be able to go to one of my top 2 travel destinations at such a young age.
Now, wheelchair sports teams are not very common. Actually, there are only a handful of teams in each state, and sometimes there is only one per state. This meant that in order to compete with other athletes and teams, we/I had to travel to other states to do so. This was awesome. By the time I was 18, I had been to over half the states and 2 countries (Australia and Canada) literally because of basketball and track and field. I love to travel and I don't doubt this exposure can be attributed to that joy. I've also dabbled in many other sports like sled hockey, soccer, dance, and archery. I loved all of them at one point or another, but basketball has always been my first love, which is why I decided to play in college. Since graduating, I haven't been able to get on a team for several different reasons, but I intend to as soon as the opportunity presents itself.
Uummmmmm, what else is there to say? As I said earlier, I've always had trouble with anxiety and recently depression. This is not an easy thing for me to share, which is a huge part of the reason I decided to do this blog in the first place so I can get out of my comfort zone. I've been working on lessening both of these things in the past few months and I think getting my story and thoughts out where others might see them could be beneficial to not only me but hopefully whoever's reading this. Feel free to comment or share these blogs, assuming that they will be positive. I will be working on some Vlogs for Youtube so when I get those figured out I will link them somewhere.
That's about it for now. I look forward to writing more and getting to know some people on here! Thanks for reading. Buh bye!
23 Signs You're An Awkward Individual
Okay, here it goes. I'm a recent college graduate living in upstate New York outside of Rochester in a small town called Newark. I'm currently unemployed and am not in school, so I have a lot of free time (more than I know what to do with) on my hands. I've really been struggling with anxiety and related issues the past few years, but it has gotten really bad in the past few months with not having much to do in a small town. I started filming Vlogs to try and get some of my frustration and feelings out and talk about some of the issues that have been going on in my life, but I'm not a videographer AT ALL so I'm still trying to figure out the lighting and editing and all that jazz, which is why I decided to start this blog. I won't be talking solely about anxiety, but I will blog about it from time to time and share how it has effected my life as well as coping strategies that I've been able to use that help me. Hopefully, if you're reading this and have similar issues, what I share will help you.
I should probably give fair warning that I intend to be very honest in this blog, which includes sharing personal stories at times. I don't believe in sugar coating anything, but I won't make it too ridiculous. This blog is basically here for me to get my thoughts out and try to share them with whoever will listen. Feel free to comment on anything. I'd love to hear some feedback on what I'm saying and I'd like to think that I'm not just blogging into space. However, if that's what happens so be it (insert awkward laughter)!
Which reminds me, I frequently am on social media (namely Facebook, Instagram, and Youtube, with the occasional Twitter appearances). Today I came upon one of those Buzzfeed lists that was titled "23 Signs You're an Awkward Person". Let me just say that I found it HILARIOUS. I can honestly say that I identified with almost all of the items, which made it even funnier. I showed it to my mom and she laughed pretty hard as well. Yay for awkward/not "normal" people! I'll post a link to the site at the bottom of this post so you can read it (and hopefully laugh) too!
Anyway, I guess this is the point where I should start telling you something more about myself. Ok, here it goes, bare (bear?) with me. My name is Sarah, I'm 23 (should I be putting that on the internet?!), I live in upstate New York (in case you missed the first paragraph), and I graduated from college in May 2013. I studied social work at Edinboro University, which is a small PA state school south of Erie. I minored in psychology and almost got a minor in Spanish, but time kind of ran out and I was short one class. Opps! 0.0 Oh well. I've taken Spanish since 7th grade so I'd like to think I'm pretty good at it, although I seem to not know the answer when my dad asks me how to say something or what somebody is saying than actually knowing what I'm talking about. I hope that made sense.
I'm originally from southeast PA, about 35 miles west of Philly. I'm an only child, which I'm pretty sure had a lot to do with my shyness. It was great growing up because I didn't have to compete with anybody for attention but it would be kinda nice to have someone else to talk to besides my parents. (insert sad, small violin music here). I moved back in with my parents after graduation and honestly did not think I would be here for more than year, but it's looking like it'll be longer than that. I'll get to that a little later. I have always been a very active person, what with school and sports, so I like to keep busy. I have played basketball since I was 11, and played in college.
I should probably take this time to mention that I was born with Spina Bifida, which means that I have trouble using my legs. I can walk with crutches, but I prefer to use a wheelchair because, well, it's easier to get around, and walking long distances gets to be really painful and tiring. You might be a little shocked reading this information, but please, don't let it chase you away from this site. I've been asked many times whether I would walk given the chance, and I honestly would have to say no. I was born with my disability, so I don't really consider myself to be "missing out" on anything. If nothing else, my Spina Bifida has led me to places I never thought I would be. For instance (and this is not intended to be bragging, so don't take it as such) I was extremely fortunate to go to Australia at the age of 17 to be a part of the Women's USA Under 19 Wheelchair Basketball Team. That was one of the most incredible events of my life. I'm so grateful that I was so lucky to be able to go to one of my top 2 travel destinations at such a young age.
Now, wheelchair sports teams are not very common. Actually, there are only a handful of teams in each state, and sometimes there is only one per state. This meant that in order to compete with other athletes and teams, we/I had to travel to other states to do so. This was awesome. By the time I was 18, I had been to over half the states and 2 countries (Australia and Canada) literally because of basketball and track and field. I love to travel and I don't doubt this exposure can be attributed to that joy. I've also dabbled in many other sports like sled hockey, soccer, dance, and archery. I loved all of them at one point or another, but basketball has always been my first love, which is why I decided to play in college. Since graduating, I haven't been able to get on a team for several different reasons, but I intend to as soon as the opportunity presents itself.
Uummmmmm, what else is there to say? As I said earlier, I've always had trouble with anxiety and recently depression. This is not an easy thing for me to share, which is a huge part of the reason I decided to do this blog in the first place so I can get out of my comfort zone. I've been working on lessening both of these things in the past few months and I think getting my story and thoughts out where others might see them could be beneficial to not only me but hopefully whoever's reading this. Feel free to comment or share these blogs, assuming that they will be positive. I will be working on some Vlogs for Youtube so when I get those figured out I will link them somewhere.
That's about it for now. I look forward to writing more and getting to know some people on here! Thanks for reading. Buh bye!
23 Signs You're An Awkward Individual
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