What's goin on people!?

Hey internet people!

I made part of a tag video for Youtube and uploaded it with the Youtube Capture app on my iPhone. But now when I go to look at it, it says there's only 53 seconds of video when it's really 16 minutes. Argh technology!

Anyway. So it's been a few days since I last blogged and I wanted to just check in and talk about what's been going on in my oh so wonderfully interesting life!

I've been having A LOT of trouble with voc. rehab ever since I moved up here and I'm in the process of working with a few different agencies/people to help me with my situation. However, I can't get ahold of my local assemblyman which is totally frustrating because the receptionist who I talk to when I call says she's going to look at his schedule and never does so yeah. That's frustrating. And now I'm hooked up with this advocate from the CAP program at the CDR in Rochester and they've been really good at getting back to me sooner than they said they would and giving me information that my voc rehab counselor just like neglected to give me. But I have to wait to get a waiver form in the mail so they can talk to my counselor and blah blah blah blah blah and it hasn't come yet so I'm like pacing my house waiting for this form to come (not really).

Oh and I emailed my counselor sometime last week asking for an update and he literally emailed me back today saying that as of 1/17/14 there's been no progress. As in, he hasn't made an inquiry in a month. Like, seriously? I don't know if any of you know what voc. rehab is, but it's a program that helps people with physical, cognitive, and emotional disabilities get employment and job training and basically anything that they need to be able to get and hold a job. In my case, the PA branch helped me with school/tuition and driving training and now I'm working on getting hand controls for my car in NY. I've been working with them since June (for the past 8 months) and recently hit a road block with the agency because their contracts with the vendors ran out and blah blah blah. Yeah. That's the last I heard from my counselor. Now onto the advocate. She told me that there has been some headway with the contracts and that basically there are all of these other services that I could be using right now that my counselor never told me about. He also basically misled me to think that I can only get help with one thing at a time which isn't true either, so they could be helping me with job searches and stuff like that while I wait for my hand controls. Needless to say, I was not happy at all with him when I found this out. Thank God for the advocate program because otherwise I'd seriously be screwed.

Anyway, the reasons I went into all of that is because I really felt like there was on progress being made and I was being ignored by voc rehab so I decided to think outside the box and reach out to other resources that may be able to help. Now, as you will probably learn, I seriously love Ellen DeGeneres. I watch her show every day and she is not only hilarious but she's such a kind person and always helps people with their problems. So I decided to write the show a letter on their site explaining my situation and asking for any kind of advice or help they may be able to give. I know people who write in usually write about other people and not themselves but I figured what the hay, I need to start advocating for myself more and getting comfortable with sharing my thoughts and story because I really want to be an advocate when I get my life straightened out. I literally almost just said when I grow up but I am grown up, seeing as I'm 23 and have a college degree. Ah scary freak out time. This is my scared spazzed out face.

Please excuse the weird lighting that is my hair part. I actually have hair on that part of my head and it's not a random bald spot.

Anywho, back to my story. I don't know if I'll hear anything, but even still, I'm glad I mustered up the courage to actually write to the show. Hopefully it works out!

That brings me to my next story of my life. Saturday morning (I sent the email Friday night) my dad woke me  up saying he needed to talk to me, which like never happens. So of course my immediate thought was "OMG ELLEN CALLED!" bahahahahahaha. Completely absurd, right? Turns out it wasn't that, but my mom dad telling me that my mom was in the emergency room and had driven herself there at 8:00 that morning while my dad was at work and I was sleeping. SN- I would've driven her had I actually been able to. I'm not that heartless. 

She said she woke up and was having weird chest pains so she drove herself to the ER. Everything ended up being fine though with her heart but they kept her for 6 hours because 2 of her blood tests levels were elevated. The one that has to do with her heart went down but the other one apparently indicates that she has pancreatitis. So now, after her follow-up appointment this morning, she has to go back to her doctor in a month to check it again I guess, which is pushing her foot surgery off even longer. It's just like one thing after another with this family. I don't even know. Is anyone else's family like this? Do any of you have like years where things just seem to keep happening? IDK. Let me know. 

But yeah that whole situation just didn't really sink in at all I guess because it was just so weird. I think part of it was that I had a really bad anxiety attack on Wednesday because of my bank account and yeah and things were just breaking and I didn't know how I was going to pay to fix them and it was just stressful. I was totally spazzed out about it for the next like 2 days and after I had finally calmed down, a day later this stuff with my mom happened and I couldn't really spaz out. I don't know how to explain it other than I think all my energy went into those 2 days of feeling like hell that I was just numb for the next few days. I guess it's a good thing because I wasn't freaking out and putting myself through hell, but still, I feel kinda heartless that I wasn't more worried. 

On a brighter note, only 35 days, 19 hours, and 24 minutes until the Demi Lovato concert!!! I'm so pumped I can't even tell you. I watched one video on Youtube of her singing Skyscraper in Vancouver but I don't want to watch anymore because I don't want to spoil it! But it looks BOMB from that one clip. Gah. I'm so excited. Yay. I'm starting to plan my outfits and hair and just yeah I'm super pumped. 

I'll probably check back in tomorrow to say hi.

Peace out girl scout,

Poison <3

PUPPY!

Have you ever had one of those days where you just want to scream and/or curl up into a little ball in the corner because nothing seems to be going well? You're not alone. I had a really good conversation with a new friend today. My dad actually had to come inside because I was talking so much, which like almost never happens for me. All of that was well and good and I was in a really good mood after I got home because I had felt some improvements with my anxiety and felt like I was getting some headway on the issue. Then I took a nap and woke up to find out that my bank account was in the negative. Let me tell you, that was no a fun thing to wake up to. So now I'm like totally freaking out about Toronto, and have a bunch more phone calls added to the list of things I need to do. Blah. Cue anxiety and panic attacks. And now my stupid phone charger isn't working right because I pulled it out the wall one too many times, and this is the back up charger. I know it's my fault, but still, sheesh. Sometimes I really hate being on Social Security. How do they seriously expect people to live decent lives on such little income? I am thankful every day that I was able to move in with my parents and save myself tons of money because there's no way I could afford rent or food or utilities or anything else that's necessary to function. Blah. Excuse my ranting, I'm just frustrated!

Anywho, I've been watching and thinking about "The Secret" a lot, and I've been trying to keep a positive attitude about life and things that stress me out. So, with that in mind, I printed out phrases like "I'm driving to Toronto!" and "I have hand controls!", cut them out with pretty scissors, and plastered them on some pretty construction paper in hopes that I can somehow will myself to fulfill these wishes. Positivity attracts positivity right? Right. Now it's just getting rid of the negativity that is a struggle when things don't seem to be going well that really gets me. Blah. I really hope this isn't coming off as whining because I'm not trying to get pity. I'm just venting and hopefully someone out there can relate and know they're not alone.

On a more positive note- my dog is sitting underneath my chair at this very moment. He is seriously the sweetest thing (most of the time). I love when he comes up and lays down right up against me or puts his paw on my leg as in saying"Don't move human, I want to be close to you." *melts*. When nothing else seems like it's going well, at least I have my dog. And music. Music and my cuddly dog always help me to feel better. Speaking of my dog, I think I'll share some pictures of him. He's just oh so adorable!

I'm pretty sure he's a monkey at heart.

"What do you mean this is your bed? Why should I move?"

Showin' my momma some love.

o_0 I did not let him up on the table...

He just loves the snow. A lot. 

Feel free to leave a comment so I can tell that somebody's reading this! =] Dueces!

<3 Poison